Crush Unfiltered
by kentmagus
Summary: It makes more sense once you remove the Disney and politically correct filters from the story. I'm hunkered down behind state-of-the art fireproof gear now.


Disclaimer: Once the genders are switched, everything makes sense.

"Never be Normal! That's the Bon Stoppable motto!"

"Oh, Samantha Breeze. Amp down, Sim, someone might think you're crushing on Samantha. "

Samantha: What's this say to you?

"Its. Its. Er. Totally. "

Samantha: You're Sim Possible. You were on the news last week. Saved some ambassador or something.

Sim: Yes. Yes.

Samantha: See you 'round.

Bell rings

Sim slaps his head.

How am I going to ask her to Friday night's dance?

Bon: Ask Breeze. I don't know, Sim, don't you think he might feel awkward... with us?

Sim: Us?

Bon:Well, we always go together.

Sim: Yes, but that's as friends. And this time I was thinking about lining up a date.

Bon:A date? Date like dating. Yes, I can do that.

Sim: So who are you going to ask?

Bon: For me to get a date? Who am I not going to ask?

Communicator beeps.

Hey, Wyatt. What's up?"

Wyatt: Meet me at your locker

Wyatt. You will not believe how many hits we're getting on this site. Everyone wants your help.

Bon: Mrs. Gilmore needs someone to feed her cats for a week.

Sim: Eurgh. Seven days, eight cats.

Bon: One litter box. Hey long distance. Tokyo! I love the French.

Sim: Tokyo's in Japan.

Bon: Oh. Not interested.

Wyatt. That one's an emergency.

Dr. Luscious: Haha!

Sim :Rewind and freeze.

Bon: Dr. Luscious, your archenemy. I don't think she knows my name.

Sim. :Our archenemy Come on, Bon, let's jet.

Bon: Going to another country on a school night. How are we going to get there?

Sim(looks at her weirdly) The same way we always do. I'll call a friend

Sim:Thanks for the lift, M.

M: It's the least I could do after you saved the New York show.

Sim: It was something anyone would have done.

M: It must be awesome to be so fearless.

Sim: You get out on stage performing in front of audiences every day. You're just as fearless.

Bon: I thought you always said fear was weakness, Sim.

Sim: Oh look, we're here.

Yahiko.Thank you for coming, Sim Possible. I am Yahiko, translator for Nakasumi-san.

Sim: What's the op?

Yahiko. They have taken over our factory. The workers are trapped inside.

Sim: How many?

Yahiko. Two.

Bon: Hundred?

Yahiko. No. Just two. This is the most automated factory in the world.

Bon: What's Dr. Luscious doing in a video game factory?

Sim: Do you know what this factory makes?  
Bon: Video games?

Sim: The PZ-3.Only the fastest, most advanced graphics system ever.

Bon: So? Video games.

Sim: It's not even coming out until Christmas. It's the must-have gift of the holiday season.

Bon: (gasps) She's going to steal Christmas?

Sim: Nooo. No, she wants to take over the world.

Bon: steal Christmas?

Sim: Take over the world.

Bon: steal Christmas?

Sim: Ssh.

Sim: Bon, is this really the time to fix your makeup?

Bon: I see the hostages. Oh, no!

Sim: What?!

Bon: Thought I saw a zit. False alarm.

Sim:Okay, I'll free the hostages, you take this. Jack it into the video.

Bon:You mean I'm..?

Sim: The distraction.

Bon: Oh, always the distraction

Computer: Konnichiwa. Konnichiwa; Konnichiwa

Luciousc: Cartoons make my eyes itch.Can't you switch that thing off?

Luscious: Put some elbow grease into it!

Hestop: Dr. Luscious?

Dr. Luscious Aaargh! How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me like that?

Hestop : I wasn't sneaking.

Dr. Luscious: Ninjas make more noise than you, Hestop

Bon: Wow, I've always wanted to be a TV Star.

Luscious : That voice.

Hestop: It's the sidekick.

Luscious : Oh ,her. She's nothing to worry about.

Bon: It's Bon Stoppable coming to you totally live. Broadcasting from ..wouldn't you like to know?

It's the Bon-Bon show.

Bon:Aaagh!

Luscious: You're canceled.

Sim: Bon!

Hestop: Sim Possible!

Luscious: I remember. So Sim Possible, you think to thwart my plan?

Hestop: Don't tell him the plan.

Luscious: I'll handle this Hestop.

Hestop:Every time, you stop to tell him the plan, they win!

Luscious: I have factored that into my calculations'

Hestop: Let's go.

Luscious: Maniacal laughter.

Lucscious: Oh. Right ( Maniacal laughter)

Bon: Quick, where's our helicopter?

Sim: We don't have one

Bon: Ooh, too bad.

Sim's Mom. I do not believe it. That Dr. Luscious person stole a factory. Seems two employees were rescued by world-famous teen hero ... Hey Sim Possible. Nice work.

Sim: Yes, until Drakken got away. I've gotta figure out her plan before she tries to take over the world again. And then there's this Samantha thing.

Sim's Mom: Another mad scientist bent on world domination?

Sim: No. Samantha's this girl I want to take to the dance

Sim's Mom. Don't you and Bon usually go to school functions together?

Sim: Yes, but she's a friend, and Samantha's a hottie.

Sim's Mom. Don't give up without a fight. With Dr. Luscious, I mean. And Simon, let's not talk about hotties anymore at breakfast anymore.

Kim's Dad. Who's a hottie?

Sim's Mom. We're not talking about it.

Sim: Samantha Breeze.

Tweebs : Ooh. Sim's got a girlfriend. Sim's got a girlfriend.

Sim: Do not make me hurt you

Sim's Mom: Eat your cereal, girls.

Sim's Dad: So this Samantha is cute?

Sim: She's golden, Dad

Sim's Dad: Golden's good right?

Sim's Mom. I prefer it over hottie.

Sim: She's pretty cool, and smart, and really talented and kind of quiet.

Mim: Wanna know what I think?

Sim: No.

Mim: Send an anonymous e-mail.

Sim: I wouldn't do that.

Prim: Sure you can. They like route it through Sweden or something so it can't be traced.

Sim's Mom. Hmm. Your principal has been getting anonymous emails from Swedon.

Tweebs : Er. Gotta go.

Kim's Dad: Asking a girl out is like getting into a really deep pool. Take a breath, and then ask them.

(Bell Rings)

Sim: Before this day is over, I will ask Samantha to the dance.

Bon: And I'm going to be asked by.. somebody.

Sim: Really high standards you got there.

Bon: Flexibility is key.

Sim: Good luck

Bon: Won't need it.

Sim's Dad.( Deep breath, take the plunge. )

Brick: Hey, Sim. She's spiked everyone who's asked her already.

Sim: I will ask her. After practice.

Brick:42-22-30

Bon: Attention, guys. It is I, Bon Stoppable. Contrary to popular belief, I am not dating Sim Possible. Which is good news for you, Samantha Breeze..

Samantha:( waves)

Sim: This has to be a case of justifiable homicide. No jury would convict me.

Bon: There is a rare hole in my social calendar this Friday. Please note I am an awesome dancer. Thank you.

Wyatt: Hot tip from the Nakasumi heist. Can you cut practice?

Sim: I'd rather be anywhere but here.

Sim: Okay, let's recap our intel.

Bon: Check. Subject Samantha Wendell Breeze.

Sim: I meant about Luscious' alpine lair.

Bon: Oh, yes. I got that too.

Sim: Her middle name is Wendell?

Bon: It could be.

Sim: You've obviously done your research.

Bon: I will show you the rest of the report is completely factual.

Sim: Gossip you've heard around school?

Bon:Moving on, Breeze has rejected invitations from Luke Hamill, Miguel Rodriguez, Gregori Putin, and of course Brick Flagg. No current photo was available.

Sim: She spiked Brick?

Bon: And Brick spiked me, as well as Gregori, Miguel and Luke.

Heinrich: Okay, kids, we're here.

Sim: Thanks for the lift, Heinrich.

Heinrich: Oh, Sim, you silly.It's the least I could do after you save our village from that avalanche last year.

Sim: It was something anyone would do.

Bon: So Heinrich, got any teenage sons who might wanna go to an American danec party?

Heinrich: Nein!

Bon: Nine?One's plenty. Or maybe two.

Heinrich: Nein means no!

Bon: I helped with that avalanche!

Sim: You started the avalanche Come on.

Sim: Talk to me, Wyatt.

Wyatt. This is unquestionably Dr. Luscious's latest lair. I've hacked in the security system, but it's tight. Oh, can't shut down the sensor beams. But I could use the frequency so you can see them.

Sim: Please and thank you.

Sim: So Bon, you can't touch the red beams.

(One series of incredible acrobatics on a snowboard later. )

Sim: Wow. Bon, sometimes I wonder why I bring you along. And then this happens.

Luscious : Ah, my teenaged foes.

Bon: What's your latest lame take over the world scheme this time, Luscious?

Luscious: It is not lame! Watch as this state-of-the-art automated factory reconfigures itself into the ultimate giant robot mecha!

Robot: Konnichiwa

Sim: That's... that's pretty cool.

Bon : Stop admiring the giant robo-killer!

Sim: Wyatt, we're up against against a robot warrior.

Wyatt: That used to be an robotic assembly line. According to the schematics, Nakasumi installed an override.

Robot:Konnichiwa

Luscious(Maniacal laughter)

Robot: Konnichiwa

Luscious: Why did they have to be athletes? If they were on the debate team, I'd have vaporized them by now.

Robot: Konnichiwa

Luscious: He's gone. That's impossible.

Bon : Actually, it's possible. Sim Possible. But that's a common mistake.

Robot: Konnichiwa.

Sim: Where is that override located?

Sim: Optimal.

Sim: Good luck, Wyatt.

Wyatt: I'm in!

Computer: Password required.

Wyatt: Hmm. Nakasumi.

Computer: Access denied.

Bon: Flying kick now!

Robot: Konnichiwa

Bon: This is not how it's supposed to go(hangs upside down)

Lucious: You'd should've stuck to snow shoveling. What makes you think an ordinary teenager can defeat me?

Wyatt: PZ-3?

Computer: Access denied

Wyatt: I do not have the time for this.

Robot: Konnichiwa.

Wyatt: Konnichiwa!

Wyatt: Score!

Sim: Nice going, Wyatt

Bon+Luscious: What?

Luscious: No!

Bon: Tanked.

Luscious: Indeed

Luscious + Bon: Aaargh!

Luscious: Hah!

Bon: Yaargh!

Hestop: Goodbye, Sim Possible.

Luscious: Aaargh!

Bon: Faster, faster!

Luscious: You think you're so cool, but you're not!

Bon: Luscious is in prison, Christmas was saved. What's the alarm?

Sim: First of all, he was not trying to steal Christmas. Besides, this scenario is much more complicated than defeating an international supervillain.

Bon: If you can handle the Evil Doctor, you can handle Samantha.

Wyatt: Sim, she just left third period and she's headed your way.

Sim: What?

Wyatt: Subject: Breeze. I triangulated her position on the GPS satellite. She's passing the gym.

Sim opened a closet and yanked both of them in.

Bon: Okay, I think you've crossed a line here.

Sim: I can do it... (deep breath. ) Help!

Wyatt: Target is on the move. Closing in. Three... two.. one.

Bon: (pushed Sim out of the closet)

Samantha: Hey

Sim: Hey. Come to the dance with me.

Samantha: Sure. So you'll come by around seven?

Sim: See you then.

Bon: I need a ride too!

Bon: Hey. Somebody let me out! I'm an awesome dancer!


End file.
